It’s so nice that the Woodland Park Zoo in Seattle now has signs for idiots. I’m glad the sign was there because I was very tempted at first. But then I saw the sign. Whew!
The Two Towers in Russian. Somehow “Sauron” got translated as “Squid-legged-eyeball.” The bowlegged guy with the antennae wielding the spear and sword is one of the more perplexing things I’ve ever seen on the cover of a book. And Tolkien looks like a hardboiled detective from the fifties firing up a cigarette with his Zippo lighter. If somebody had given me this book when I was a kid I would have used it prop up my tippy desk.
Yé! utúvienyes! I have found it, Gandalf!
Aragorn! You’ve discovered the scion of the Eldest of Trees?
No! Not that! I found my awesome purple robe, burgundy cowboy boots and winged tiara! Check me out. When I undertook my journeys and errantries as a young man I always told myself, “When I am King of Minas Tirith I shall wear purple.”
What is it, Legolas, Elf-friend?
Does my hair look cool? I just got it done. It’s called “feathering.”
I like it. Maybe I’ll have my beard feathered. And then we’ll go visit the Glittering Caves.
The cover of my new book coming June 14th. But where are the Hobbits? I told the publisher I wanted Hobbits on the cover. Not some buff ancient Greek Hoplite warrior…ooops…I see what happened. Hobbits…Hoplites..shit!